Learning to Control your Thoughts

Recently, I received a comment suggesting that I go into more detail the next time I write about the topic of controlling one’s mind. By the way, I appreciate the feedback. When I write, I do often tend to remain brief. However, that is not always best or beneficial, as in this case. So, in this post, we’ll discuss this topic further.

Learning to control my mind has been a life long struggle for me. I began the process while in college at U.C. Davis. During this time, I realized I was depressed and had been at least mildly depressed for many years. While graduating with my Bachelors in Psychology, however, I went to a fabulous therapist. We only had a total of fours sessions together, but they were four sessions that would prove invaluable in my quest for growth.

During the first session, she let me know right off the bat that we didn’t have much time. “Let’s get to work,” she spoke, “and you need to know right now that you will have to work hard.” I remember her words and how willing I was to do precisely as she had asked. The tasks given me were simple, but during that period, they changed my life. Now, I’m going to share what I learned with you.

Plainly put, here are the initials steps I needed to take.
First – I began journaling daily. I simply scribbled down whatever came to me in the moment.
Second - I had to learn how to say “no” to my parents to begin establishing my necessary separation from them.
Third - I had to not only start, but also consistently practice, reframing my negative thoughts.

Although I had a good idea, at this point, what “reframing” was all about, I was by no means an expert. In fact, it took a great deal of time and application before I finally began to master these concepts. Now, I can share my expertise with you, helping you achieve in a matter of months… or even weeks… what took me years to learn. I’m here to tell you that, by following some simple steps, you truly can and will become the MASTER of your OWN MIND.

There are two vital things I want you to keep in mind right now – the importance of breath and the art of reframing negative thoughts. The foundation breath and the ability to reframe our thoughts are two things that help our minds become open to new ideas and new ways of being in the world. When we stay in a negative state of mind, we stay in a state in which we tend to focus on and seek out negativity within ourselves as well as our environments. We become inept at finding the good side of something even when the positive aspects are obvious. For example, it’s a bright, sunny beautiful day, but instead of enjoying the weather, we only notice the heat and humidity and feel compelled to complain about it.

It becomes a habit to see the negative. In fact, as humans, our survival instincts are geared this way, to some degree. The “fight or flight” instinct is one of those innate parts of our make-up that aids us in recognizing danger. The problem, however, is this. We’re no longer running from tigers and bears, yet we’re still living life as if we were in survival mode. People have evolved since the age of hunters and gatherers and our mind has the capacity to control its’ thoughts and reactions. Learning to reframe your thoughts can help significantly in changing some of these negative thought processes, habits, and behaviors.

Humans have an average of 5,000 to 6,000 thoughts a day. Most of these are negative or neutral. The majority of us, through our conditioning, have unconsciously made negativity a habit. There is good news, though! If we can become a master at negative thinking, this means that we can also become masters at POSITIVE thinking. All it takes is practice.

First, we have to learn how to take notice of our thoughts. Right after you catch a negative thought, practice taking in a nice long deep breath. The next step is one that takes a lot of practice and creativity. This is the point in which we reframe the negative thought we just caught and turn it into a positive statement.

Here are some examples:
Negative – “I can’t do it.”
Positive – “I can do it.” Alternatively, you could say, “I can do it. I just haven’t learned how yet.”
Negative – “This sucks, another traffic jam!”
Positive – “Traffic is slow again today.” Alternatively, “Traffic is slow, giving me a few minutes to practice some deep breathing.”
Negative – “My job sucks.”
Positive – “I’m not enjoying my job right now.” Alternatively, “I love this part of my job (insert info),” or “I enjoy parts of my job (list them), and some, I don’t. Can I do anything about the parts I don’t like?”

Sometimes, you’ll notice the reframe still sounds a little negative. You may have also noticed that the reframe consists of an action statement, the purpose being to drive you towards making a change. In the end, moving forward (doing something) is more positive than sitting in your yucky, sucky, negativity. Believe it or not, even when we make what appears to be the wrong choice, it is often better than making no choice at all. If we’re moving, it will shake things up. I am not advocating that you make bad or unwise choices. I am simply challenging you, trying to help you understand that until you do make a choice, you will remain stuck. The easiest choice is to change our thinking, making it either action- oriented and positive or just positive.

When we practice reframing, we must remember that we are not our thoughts and our thoughts do not control us. We control our thoughts or we choose not to control them. Do not expect that you will gain instant gratification using these methods. It takes practice and practice makes permanent, not perfect. Please also remember that if you have been diagnosed with depression or anxiety, this is not a replacement for any treatment your doctor is presently administering. These are supplemental techniques that you can use daily to improve your life.

Please send any questions to:
greta@CoachingYourDreams.com
Please put in the subject line “Question for Coach Greta” or leave a comment on my blog and I will get back to you.

To contact me:

Greta Jaeger, LPC, CPLC
www.CoachingYourDreams.com
greta@CoachingYourDreams.com
blog.CoachingYourDreams.com

This one is for mom's

Finish this sentence for yourself:

I have always wanted to ……. but haven’t because ………

Now look at the last part of the sentence that starts with “because.” I mean really look at it, observe it. Take several deep breaths and ask yourself: is this truly a good reason not to do what I want, or is it just a fear? If it is a fear then it is time to tackle that fear head on. There is no true way to bury a fear; it will always come back and bite you in the butt later. We have to learn to let go of our fears and move forward.

"You must do that thing you think you can not do" – Eleanor Roosevelt

It is easy as women to think “my priority is my family” and I agree whole heartedly. Here is where I get confused: exactly when did your family become minus you? Are you not a part of your own family? If your family is a priority, then logically so are you. They don’t make comments like “the family is only happy if mom is happy” for no reason at all. It is true.

To be happy you must pursue your passions and dreams as well as encourage, inspire and support your family in their pursuits. To confront your fear and do what you want is as simple as moving into action. If you want to start your own business, take one small step; go to the library and get books on how start a business. If you want to go back to school, go online and check out some schools. Try attending class an hour a week; it's nothing big, just small steps. I know of a woman who was so busy she could only take one class a semester. Four years later she went in to talk with her advisor and he told her she had one more class to go to receive her masters. It may seem like a long time, but she could have not gone at all and would still not have her masters. Small steps are the easiest and as long as you stay focused on our goal you will get there.

If you want more information on how to move through your fear contact me at:

Greta Jaeger, CPLC, LPC
(404) 259-1335
greta@CoachingYourDreams.com
www.CoachingYourDreams.com
blog.CoachingYourDreams.com

Silliness or Character flaw

Occasionally I struggle when falling asleep. The other night was an example of this; I fell asleep around 3:00am or 3:30am. All together I slept about two hours that night. I had a Life Coaching meeting that morning at 7:30am. I gave up caffeine three weeks prior, I gave in and decided to have some caffeinated coffee, but before the coffee could kick in I was already driving to my coaching group. I was merging from one freeway to another and my turn signal light stayed on. I attempted several times to turn off the blinker, but only managed to turn on and off the windshield wipers multiple times. I stared at the wipers dumbfounded. How could this be happening? I am trying to turn off the blinker, I said to myself.

I took a deep breath and asked myself, if the control for the blinker is not on the right of my steering wheel where could it be? Then inspiration hit “ahha, it must be on the left” and magically I could turn the blinkers off. I felt so silly all I could do was laugh. In case you were wondering the coffee did kick in eventually but by then I was already at the meeting with all my neurons firing. Often at times like this we judge ourselves harshly and I say don’t. Allow yourself a good laugh at your own expense and chalk it up to just one of those moments. If you only get one thing from reading this blog learn to take your-self lightly. A guide to follow is:

1. Learn not to be easily offended

2. Learn to laugh and enjoy yourself when you’re silly:

   don’t consider it a character flaw.

You will have a much more relaxed life when you practice these ideas.

Please send any questions to:

greta@CoachingYourDreams.com

Please put in the subject line “Question for Coach Greta” or leave a comment on my blog and I will get back to you.

Greta Jaeger, LPC, PLC

(404) 259-1335

www.CoachingYourDreams.com

greta@CoachingYourDreams.com

blog.CoachingYourDreams.com